1) Do not decide what you want. If you do decide what you want; don’t think about why you want it and if you do decide why you want it, commit to believing you can’t have it.

2) Don’t do things on purpose.

3) Don’t know what you value in life (and if you do, lose

     Sight of it)

4) If you do have goals don’t put them in writing and if you do, don’t think too big.

5) Don’t get advice from people you have never met or who are dead.

6) Don’t take action right now.

7) Don’t stop having a deep fear of failure and of making a fool of you.

8) Don’t take personal responsibility for your life and results.

9) Don’t expand your comfort zone.

10) Don’t talk and think about what you want.

11) Don’t be grateful.

12)  Don’t change your mood.

13) Don’t change your belief.

14) Don’t spend anytime in the future.

15) Don’t have goals.

16)  Don’t stop doing everything by halves, that’s if you do anything at all.

17) Don’t stop working for a living.

18) Don’t involve other people.

19) Don’t take action right now.

20) Don’t develop winners and winning relationships.

21) Don’t Stop Procrastinating.

22)  Don’t have a mentor or be a mentor.

23) Don’t get feedback on your actions.

24) Don’t adjust.

25) Don’t get even more feedback, don’t be flexible… (You get the idea).

26) Don’t practice continuous improvement.

27) Don’t wear a parachute.

28) Don’t stop believing in Luck.

29) Don’t use inside-out thinking.

30) Don’t put things in before you try to take things out.

31) Don’t transform your Language.

32) Don’t think about the first four minutes.

33)  Don’t talk and think about what you want.

34) Don’t go to the movies.

35) Don’t stop being an unthinking dog.

36) Don’t ask ‘How do you do that?’ Don’t act ‘as if’. And don’t be naïve.

37) Don’t change the meaning of things.

38) Don’t stop thinking only about money, money, money.

39) Don’t have a good laugh.

40) Don’t be creative or innovative.

41) Don’t think of your own idea to go there.

42) Don’t stop always taking ‘no’ for an answer.

43) Don’t commit to Lifelong Learning.

44) Don’t be a Leader.

45) Don’t learn to Communicate. 

46) Don’t understand the secrets of great teams and great customer service.

47) Don’t step up. Don’t do Extraordinary Things.

48) Don’t listen to your service users, ignore their opinions. They are failing so what have they to teach you? If you get really good at this you can avoid being corrupted by their untruths by not letting them get a word in edgeways. Make

Sure you do all of the talking. Use your mouth instead of your eyes and ears.

49) Give clients instructions and make demands of them, this will help them to understand what they have to do and motivate them to make changes.

50) Avoid the following things: going to supervision – seeing your clients – looking after yourself – challenging authority.

51) Show clients and colleagues who is in charge by being late, cancel appointments, or better still don’t cancel them, just don’t turn up, that will really mess up their day and show them that you have all the power and so they should listen to you.

52) Avoid speaking to more experienced workers – what do they know? They are old, probably hippies, or maybe even anarchists; they are probably addled by drugs. The world has moved on a lot since they became social workers. You are young and energetic and vital. Smile indulgently at them and steal their yoghurt from the fridge so that they remember what the ‘real world’ is like.

53) Avoid speaking with younger or less experienced workers. They have nothing to offer you. They need to learn it the hard way because experience is the best way to learn. If you have skills, keep them to yourself, you worked hard to get them so why should somebody have them for nothing? People don’t value what they get for nothing.

54) Keep your cases to yourself, don’t discuss them with colleagues, they are private and confidential.

55) If you are overloaded with work, remember that friends will always let you down and your family is just hangers on. Your work is vital and those things that used to be important for you before you got involved in this vital work are worthless by comparison. Follow this simple yet failsafe two step plan: (1) get some more hours in to clear the backlog, this will impress everybody with your dedication. (2) when you get a chance, get obliterated on your substance of choice, that might be alcohol or drugs or exercise. Everything will then seem much better and you can carry on as normal.

56) Do not read research, or anything else, especially if it relates to your field of practice, academics don’t know anything, they just deal in figures and have a great time taking four months a year off and when they do go to work they sit in their warm cozy studies reading and drinking tea, that is when they are not having sex with students. The only thing that matters is what you learned on your own – through experience – that is real. There are other more important things to be getting on with. Once you have done your social work course you know everything you need to know, experience in the field will fill in any gaps. Books and journals will just tell you what you already know.

57) Take everything seriously – it really is personal – they are out to make your life miserable, your name is on a list – no really, it is!

58) Avoid workers from other disciplines, especially therapists, psychologists, counselors or people with flaky weird interests like Motivational, Interviewing or hippy counseling skills. They will only pollute you and damage your purity. They are irrelevant to the more important work that you have to do.

59) Never question your work, it could destroy you. There is no point in mulling things over, far better to just get on with the next task and get more done. Reflection is what gurning fools do in mirrors.

60) If you have to evaluate your work or your project, maybe because your stupid boss tells you to, or because some idiot in the local authority or government says that you have to so that they can hit their targets. Focus on how much work you have done, rather than the outcome of that work. Outcomes are transitory, impossible to measure, relate only to how clients feel, and they change over time and so are worthless. Output however a fact is and can be written easily on a time sheet or balance sheet and gives a good measure of your work.

61) Remember university? You spent a lot of time learning the profession and its language use it! For instance tell clients that you are going to have to take ‘legal advice’, do not tell them what this means, they will respect you for it.

62) You are an expert. You are extensively trained, you have expert opinions, you know what people are like, your experience gives you the ability to predict what people will do next, what they like to eat and whether they read to their children or not. Lets face it people come in types. Your professional skill comes in identifying types. Once you have identified a type, everything else falls into place

63) Always Chase Other People’s Dreams, those of your Parents or the ambitions of your friends and loved ones.

64) Start 17 Projects and Finish None. Be great always at jumping to starting new things and major in abandon projects. Give Up When It Gets Tough. Never believe in “tough times never last but tough people do”. Look for the escape route or the easiest way out whenever you are faced with challenges.

65) Don’t believe in Persisting at All Costs.  Once you’ve started something, don’t even consider staying on course to see it through. Just give up whenever an obstacle shows up. (Believe in quitters live to fight another day though you’re well on the way to having a breakdown.)

66) Never Ask For Help but insist on doing everything alone.  Even when traveling on the wrong road, believe somehow you will arrive at your desired destination. Don’t ask for help. Struggle on with a far too heavy workload, because “if you want a job done right, you have to do it yourself.” You should never admit to anything that smacks of weakness. And, of course, you wouldn’t dream of asking for directions. Trample On Other People and treat them like scum. If they’re in the way of your goal, step right on top of them. If they ask you for anything, refuse point-blank. If they make a mistake, scream at them. If they disagree with you, sulk for a week. To really fail in life, you need to alienate everyone who might help, support or care about you.

67) Never Say No and always say “yes” to whatever you’re asked to do. Your kid wants a present you can’t afford? Borrow money and buy it. Your boss asks you to stay late and work Saturday? Be a martyr. Your community association needs a new secretary and they think you might like the job? Sure, you’ll do it. In fact, the only things you’ll say “no” to are your own hopes and dreams.

68) Be disorganized always and make sure you achieve it as much as possible. Forget to invoice people who owe you money. Lose important documents. Turn up late, or in the wrong place, or ideally both. Don’t bother keeping a diary or calendar. Make sure you never have any healthy food in the house, so you can resort to expensive and greasy takeouts yet again.

69) Stay in Your Comfort Zone and if you ever get the opportunity to do something new, avoid it at all costs. New things are often scary – and scary is no fun at all, right? Stay right inside your cozy comfort zone and never stretch or challenge yourself.

70) Procrastinate and put everything off till the last minute … then put it off a bit longer.

71) Don’t stop seeing work as punishment imposed by economically empowered persons in society on socially disadvantaged people.

72) Never consider skill acquisition as important but always depend on people to give you money rather earn it.

73) Always believe you have a godfather, and when you do have one, never work hard and believe the godfather will fix everything.

74) Always repudiate every moral law you know and when you see a moralist, make him a laughing stock because of his high moral principles.

75) Don’t read books or believe in research at all. Keep believing that what you know today is enough to carry you through life.

76) Believe in prayers but do not know who to pray to or who answers those prayers and expect a sudden miracle that will change your life.

77) Refuse to locate and build your talents and capabilities and when you know them, believe they are not enough to make you succeed in life.

78) Run away from challenges whenever you find them and believe life is too full of enjoyment for you to ever spend a minute of your time overcoming obstacles.

79) Don’t believe in your Parents, in their advice or wisdom but embrace the lifestyle of strangers, of those going nowhere, whose life-time purpose is live today and forget tomorrow.

80) Don’t save money and when you do, save little because raining days are for those who expect them.

81) See the entire world as the 4-corners of your room with windows and doors locked and proclaim that the world is dark. Never think out of the box you have locked yourself in and always expect the whole world to come and meet you there.

82) Pursue everything that appeals to you and never be your own man with your own dreams and ideas.

83) Don’t ever plan for retirement or life after work. Keep relishing yourself with the opportunities which come with your job including the pecks of office like cars, houses, social status, etc believing that these shall be for ever. Never think of building your own house or buying your own car.

84) Keep blaming people and never believe that the future you have today is a product of your yesterdays’ decisions and the future you will have tomorrow depends on the wise decisions of today.

85) Always burst out crying when faced with challenges, and emit emotions like fuming, cursing, etc believing that you will win sympathy, support and assistance from people around you.

86) Never stop and think and have a plan to deal with problems.

87) Recall always past successes, achievements and bask in the euphoria of past glories by deluding in the fact that once a winner will confidently be a winner all the way. Intimidate and blackmail people with past glories and lose sight of the battle ahead without planning to win everyday.

88) Don’t believe in selfless commitment to duty but be greedy and exploit opportunities to steal, loot public funds, falsify figures and believe you will never be caught by sloppy law enforcement agents.

89) Have a blind faith that desires wealth without work; misappropriate riches stockpiled by hard working men and fight for inheritance that legitimately belong to others. When you get it brag about it and show how stupid your opponents have been.

90)  Make sure you live by the expectation of others and imitate others rather than being you. Keep telling your children “Can’t you be like your brother/sister who always get high grades?” and never remind them how unique and wonderful pieces of creation God has made out of him/her.

91) Always be afraid to break traditions and never lose sight of the consequences of such actions. Let the fear drive you to the point where you don’t want to try anything at all. Be afraid to do new things so that you will not be noticed or blamed by those above you.

92) Don’t focus on what you do and try to do so many things at the same time and become confused. Consider all the beautiful and interesting things that surround you and become distracted from what you are doing. Instead of being focused to a specific work, spread yourself thin on projects that never count.

93) Be afraid to commit mistakes. Do not even bother trying something new because you might commit errors. Never learn from successful people who committed mistakes in life.

94) Be proud and never be humble enough to admit your faults. In anything, let everyone know you are right and they are always wrong. Those who see things differently from you are naïve, unmanagerial, clumsy and should be shoved aside

95) Always insist on what you want and never accept second opinion even when it makes more sense. Be satisfied with mediocrity and do not consider having backup ideas to cover your work.

96) Be very confident of yourself and do not anymore consider asking for any help from others.

97) Do not accept criticisms.

98) Don’t be positive, but always negative looking for reasons why a thing should not happen. Give up easily when confronted with difficulties in life and believe that hardships you face are punishments from God rather than stepping stones to success. 

99) Fail to understand the true meaning of life and see living as empty expenditure. Try to save your life and never spend it to improve the welfare of those around you. Live for yourself and for your own good only, so that everyone can curse you.

100) Don’t believe in God and never pray to him to direct you. Foolishly believe that God does not exist and everything on earth is a matter of coincidence or accident. Don’t shape and moderate your life with his principles so you can fail completely and utterly in life, work and everything.

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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